We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
