i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
