actually, I'm a sock model
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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