Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
