im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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