We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize