here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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