I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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