3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
