my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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