I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
