Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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