I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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