How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
