Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
