just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
