Where did you get a picture of my penis
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
