genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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