I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Randomize
