Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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