Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
