Is it normal to miss your booty call?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
