on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
