I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
