dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
