Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
