i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
