remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
