STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
they're like a gay fantastic four
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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