Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
