I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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