and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
