I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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