So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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