mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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