Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
