The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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