I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
There's always time for handjobs
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
