Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
