Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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