Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
