Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
