I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
