i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
