I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
