evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
