You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
