That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
