alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I don't deserve a penis
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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