capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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