Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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