everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
