it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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