Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
