watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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