we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
