I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
