I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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